The Ides of March

It has been a month and two days since the Ides of March and the passing of my stepfather. I was devastated and shocked at his death. Admittedly, I started to draft this letter then stopped. Hesitating to continue because I felt somewhat reluctant to write it. I'll tell you why. Lee's writing was so well constructed and compelling. It was beautiful. I felt anything I wrote would never be able to live up to something he would have written about me. He was a better writer than me. However, I can always aspire to write as well as he did. I had to continue this draft because he would have wanted me to give it my best.

Lee had a profound impact on my life. Without him, I would not be the man I am today.

I was struggling after college to find a good job and build my career. I was rejected when applying to the company of my dreams three times. When I was finally chosen to go in for an interview the SVP nearly considered rejecting me again. "Your resume comes off as very green," he said. He continued though, ".. but the way you carry yourself and your suit make you worthy of a chance." I got the job. I do not think I would have if Lee had not given me such a beautiful suit. In many ways I was able to live out my dream because of him. Years later I went to another interview in San Francisco. I forgot a dress shirt. I had no dress shoes. But I did have something, the confidence he instilled in me and that suit. I was offered the job.

I am indebted to him for all time. I used to think a man could be self made and that everything could be done by one's self if they put all they had into something. I was wrong. It is through the love of your family and the support of those closest to you combined with our best efforts that we are able to succeed. He helped me in ways I cannot forget. He was too young and too intelligent to pass into the next phase so soon. I will always miss him.

I was mourning and in a dark place for a few weeks but now am at a point where I know Lee would want me to get to. To keep going and do my best to love those still with us and put the best energy I can into the universe and the tasks still undone.

Lee's death reminded me that life is short. That there are always uncertainties that lie before us. He reminded me that we must set aside ideological differences and focus on what makes us inherently connected. He taught me to put love and compassion first and let go of my anger. To let the negativity pass and cherish the days we still have left.

To my beloved stepfather, rest in peace.